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Tao of dating
Tao of dating fact is, between many of my cards, you may be made to find yourself address my datinng for personal reference -- or forwarding them on to your trends. Notice the set wave that's flowing through answers, and flow with it. Later, Julie, I don't commercial if I'd call this a specific. Introduction to Textual Followers. I must have gift it over shops by now.
The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible help you find the deep, loving relationship you've always wished for Hi there! You may have heard about me through HuffingtonPost. Great to have you here! Before I start my little novella here, I understand some of you are just here to buy the book. So, without further delay, here's your button to buy. Glad we got that out of the way. You may have even gotten a graduate or professional degree. You've landed jobs that few people could get. You work hard, you excel at what you do, and you're well-compensated or expect to be soon.
If that's the case, then I probably know someone like you. I've gone to some fancy schools in my day Harvard and Cambridge were two, in case you're curious and worked at some pretty selective companies. And all of them were filled with smart, successful women. So they have been in my classes, at my work, and at alumni functions for the past 20 years or so. They've been telling me about their dating challenges. By now, I have gotten a decent sense of what those challenges are and how they are specific to them as smart, successful women. They've also been on dates with the likes of me, my friends, and some of the 10, guys who have been writing me letters for the past three years.
And I've heard some of Tao of dating stories, too. Speaking of stories, let's start with one, shall we? Mostly-single Monica Picture this: It was one of those early fall Boston days a few years ago when you thought anything was possible. The sky Dating and relationship podcast unusually clear, the air was crisp, and Newbury Street was brimming with interesting, attractive people. I was excited to meet up with my college classmate Monica, whom I had not seen since we had both graduated from Harvard. You probably know Monica, or someone like her.
She's smart, good-looking, well-read, stylish, great career broadcast journalismgoing places -- the total package. She had her act together -- so much so that guys in college had been almost too intimidated to ask her out. We Speed dating events in denver colorado up at the sidewalk cafe Sonsie to catch up. And as we discussed work, family, friends, and love life, it came up that Monica was single. And had been so for a long time. This woman was unstoppable. Anything she wanted, she got. And yet, in this department, she didn't seem to be reaching her goal of having a loving, fulfilling relationship.
Or at least a fun dating life. And if an amazing woman like her was alone, something had to be terribly wrong with the world. That meeting made an impression on me. And over the course of my time in Boston, I heard many, many stories like Monica's. Women who were doctors, graduate students, lawyers, investment bankers, entrepreneurs, journalists -- all of them tremendously talented and successful in almost every sphere of life but one: The dating textbook you wish you had gotten in college It seemed like the smarter and more accomplished a woman was, the more challenges she encountered in her dating life. Perhaps some of these scenarios sound familiar to you: You aren't meeting a lot of guys, either because you aren't going out, don't have time to go out or aren't sure where to go.
I mean, you're busy! Gotta finish this this project, take care of this client or patient, study for an exam You have gotten tired of the bar and nightclub scene and just couldn't be bothered. They're all duds there anyway which is mostly true, by the way. You're a pretty smart cookie, and you just can't imagine spending time with a guy who's not as smart as you are because you get bored to death. When you do meet a guy who's as smart and educated as you are, you find yourself competing with him and even driving him away. Sure, you're meeting guys, but the wrong kind of guys.
Even though you are in places where there are decent guys, the men aren't approaching you, and nothing ever comes of it. You get plenty of attention at parties, but usually from the guys you aren't interested in, while the guy you like is completely oblivious to her existence. How unfair is that. You have exceptionally high standards for men, and have a tough time finding men who meet that standard in your city. Decent guys you are interested in ask for your number -- but wouldn't call. Why'd he bother getting the number in the first place? Guys are just plain intimidated by your intelligence and success.
As soon as they find out where you went to school or what you do for a living, it's like a cold, wet blanket was thrown on the flame of their interest. When you liked a guy, he wouldn't call for a second date. And if you didn't like the guy so much, he would call without fail. You'd date a terrific guy for a few weeks -- and then he would break it off for no apparent reason, even though you were having a great time together. You continue to stew in your own juices afterwards, thinking, "Why does this happen to me? After a few months of good times, things would go downhill as it became clear you're not right for each other, but you would hold on to the relationship for too long because you just knew you'd make it work.
You'd meet a guy you really liked and had great conversation with, but the sexual connection wasn't that great. You have a pattern of falling for 'bad boys' and attempting to fix them, which usually ends in tears and heartbreak -- until you find the next bad boy. If any of these scenarios above sound even vaguely familiar, give me a little nod. All these challenges are what I saw my female friends and colleagues experience. And chances are you have similar ones. Now there's an interesting principle from Eastern wisdom which says that a knife can't cut itself. And you can't see a mountain if you're standing on it -- it helps to stand some distance away from it.
Listen to Dr Alex discuss solutions to smart women's dating dilemmas on radio show 'Your Time with Kim Iverson' 12min So even though my friends couldn't figure out why they were in this predicament, it was clear to me that they were sabotaging their own fulfillment in subtle ways. I was just out of medical school then, so my brain was in full "let's diagnose this" mode. What could I do to help them have more fulfillment in their dating lives? Is it possible that the solution to these challenges was not to try to fix each individual symptom, but to approach the world of dating with a completely new mindset -- a perspective in which these problems wouldn't even arise?
Enter the Pooh Around the same time, an interesting convergence had happened in my life.
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And just a few years back, I had picked up a copy of The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff which was my Second life matchmaking drug to Eastern wisdom and Taoist philosophy. I carried the Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu datign me wherever I went, and read it Tao of dating the subway, at bus stops, on the plane, wherever. Ta even got the tape version and listened to it. I must have read it over times by now. What I loved about that book was its simplicity and brevity the whole thing comes in at under words.
Cating how, if the space of a line or two, dxting offered you principles that could transform your whole life when you applied it. Here's a passage I'm particularly fond of as translated by Stephen Mitchell: If you want to shrink something, You must first allow it to expand. If you want to get rid of something, You must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something, You must first allow it to be given. This eating called the subtle perception Of the way things are. The dahing overcomes the hard. The slow overcomes the fast.
Let your workings remain a mystery. Just show people the results. The first 20 times I read it, it didn't make sense. But then it started to sink in. Before you can take something, you must allow it to be given. In other words, create the circumstances for that which you want, and then it will arise naturally, effortlessly. If you want to be loved, be the kind of person who is lovable. If you want commitment, be the kind of person who's worthy of committing to. And I loved the spirit of the Tao Te Ching. Observe the world as it is. Notice the greater wave that's flowing through things, and flow with it. Don't try to swim against the current. Swim with the current, and the universe will aid you along you path.
It all dovetailed nicely with the yoga practice I had just taken up. You can think independently of circumstance. Pain happens but suffering is optional. The world is perfect as it is. There was so much complementarity between Buddhist, Hindu, yogic and Taoist philosophy. The science behind dating success At the same time, I am trained as a scientist. Having written a neuroscience thesis at Harvard and getting an MD from UC San Diego means I'm not entirely comfortable floating in feel-good generalities that are difficult to apply, as beautiful and soothing as the Eastern teachings are. I want my readers to have something solid to hold on to as well.
Something you can apply in the real world. So to create tools that elevate you while being totally practical and down-to-earth, I decided to combine the two big influences in my life, namely, Eastern wisdom and Western science. The result is The Tao of Dating: Texts from the Tao Te Ching. The Tao of dating ebook has secret techniques on how any guy can attract. Whoa, Julie, I don't know if I'd call this a date. Dating is so tricky. I mean, you're really cool. Tao Of Badass Product Reviews Research some companies online to compare quotes before placing your order. Problem was, I was experiencing a bit of an idea slump myself.
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