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In my work, and in my life in general, I so frequently saw amazing people who were deserving of love and companionship, but who were paralyzed by fear, struggling with loneliness and hopelessness rooted in anxiety. Knowing there were treatments that could and ehyness help them gain confidence and a new perspective, I felt compelled to write a book about the skills that help people get past social shhness. Single, Shy and Looking for Love: Combining ACT with traditional exposure and cognitive techniques rooted in CBT, here are some of the most datng Love shyness dating to approach dating anxiety: Practicing self-disclosures Shy and anxious people are less likely to share about themselves and self-disclose.

Dating advice books may prescribe pick-up lines or manipulative, gamey strategies to win over a date. But real relationships are based upon sharing who you are with your date. Self-disclosure is the gateway to intimacy--it lets you get closer to someone as you both reveal more and more. Yet the last thing a shy or anxious person may feel comfortable doing is letting their guard down, which is why practicing sharing is a vital element. Practicing self-disclosure might include letting your date know about a story or person that is special to you, sharing how you felt about a recent event, or letting your date know that you think they look great. Self-disclosure is simply telling people what you think, how you feel, and letting them see what matters to you.

Reducing the threat of judgment from others--and yourself One of the reasons people may not disclose more about themselves is for fear of being judged. The threat of negative evaluation from others--such as being negatively perceived by your date--is the root of social anxiety, and is exacerbated in a dating setting. Most of the time, anxious daters highly overestimate how harshly their partner is judging them. If a social situation goes awry, they automatically blame themselves.

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Thoughts like, it's the end of the world if I'm rejected, I'll never find someone, or that was a complete disaster, are common in anxiety. Gently remind yourself that the anxiety is exaggerating these beliefs, and then list reasons that the thoughts are not fully accurate. This will help quell the predictions of disaster that can be so devastating to the process of finding love. Mindfulness and emotional intelligence Anxiety thrives by focusing on the future and the past, engendering worry about what will go wrong, how the future will play out or how past events have gone wrong. The alternative is mindfulness. Mindfulness is a conscious effort to focus on the present moment, the here-and-now.

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